Without losing them?
***
Chapter One
Xavier
“Mr. Trapp.” The voice that dared to interrupt me was soft, almost apprehensive. Irritatingly apprehensive.
I ignored it. If my new assistant wanted my attention she’d have to be more assertive than that of a timid church mouse. Tapping my fingers on my desk, I reread the contract displayed on my screen. Two point nine million dollars? Nice try! The property in question was worth far less than that. I crossed out the insulting suggestion and countered with two point one. My offer was still too high but a better price for such a demanding piece of real estate.
“Mr. Trapp,” my assistant spoke above a whisper.
At least her attempt was audible this time. “What is it, Adrian?” I didn’t look up because I was too focused on sending back my more than generous counter offer to the seller.
“I know you asked not to be disturbed but—”
“You’re interrupting me anyway.”
“I-I am sorry.”
I hired Adrian as a favor to her brother Cam. We’d gone to Princeton together and he’d helped me close a few lucrative deals over the years. When his sister graduated from college with some hefty student loans, I thought I could help. It wasn’t going as smoothly as I had hoped.
She stood in the doorway, practically trembling.
Am I really that frightening?
Judging by the number of personal assistants I’d gone through in the past few years, the answer was yes. My therapist suggested I work on my delivery.
“What do you want?” I took a deep breath, remembering Dr. Alvarezes advice. “I mean, what is it that you need?”
“I know you don’t want to be disturbed.”
Didn’t we already establish that?
“Kate Hightower is here.”
I didn’t need that today. Kate was the sister of my late ex-girlfriend. I hadn’t seen her in two months. Not since the funeral.
“Tell her I’m on a call and can’t be disturbed.” That might buy me a few minutes.
“Why don’t you tell me that yourself?” Kate barreled past Adrian. “Don’t take this out on your assistant. She asked me to wait in the lobby but I didn’t listen.”
“Of course you didn’t.” I nodded at Adrian. “You can shut the door. It’s fine.”
Adrian frowned as she did what I asked. She was probably worried that I’d blame her for this intrusion but I was quite certain Kate was the culprit here.
“Where did you find her?” Kate stood in front of the door, decked out in her designer dress and high heels. Her flawless make-up, carefully crafted eyebrows, and fake eyelashes often got her mistaken for a model or an actress. “Was she a favor? She’s clearly not formidable enough for you.”
Always so observant and calculated. “What can I do for you?” I came around my desk to join her. “I didn’t expect to see you.”
“You never do.” She leaned in and kissed my cheek. “How are you?”
“I’m good and you?”
“I’ve been better.”
Kate could be loud and opinionated but she was still grieving the loss of her sister. Dr. Alvarez would tell me I need to be more tolerant. He would be right.
“How is your mother?” I asked. “I’ve been meaning to call her.”
“She sends her love.” She sat in the chair across from me. “She’s so pleased that you dedicated the library building in Lanie’s memory
“She loved to read.” Lanie and I hadn’t been together in over four years. Her unexpected death wasn’t easy on her mother and sister. I grieved in my own way but I hadn’t seen her since we ended things. “The memorial seemed fitting.”
“So did the huge donation you made in her name. That was very kind of you.”
“I wanted to do something to honor her. Even though we weren’t together when she died, she was a significant part of my life for a long time.”
“I know, X,” Kate sighed. “She should never have left you. She was young and impatient. I told her she was making a big mistake. I would not have made... well, she didn’t listen to me.”
“It’s in the past.” Lanie and I had gotten together after college. I was in law school and building my real estate empire. I’d been successful with a few investments when I was younger, making some solid choices but with that came long hours and dedication. Lanie didn’t like being second. I couldn’t blame her. We weren’t meant to be. “What are you doing in the city?”
“I wanted to give you something.” She reached into her brown leather bag and took out an envelope. “I was going through some of Lanie’s things and I came across this.”
“What is it?” I peered at the envelope, noting my name neatly written in Lanie’s handwriting.
“I don’t know.” She handed it to me. “I found it in a decorative box she kept on her nightstand. She had some cards, ticket stubs, and a few other notes in there.”
“You didn’t open it?”
“It’s addressed to you.”
I shot her a disbelieving glance because Kate was not known for minding her own business.
“It’s sealed.” She pointed out. “I’m sure you remember her handwriting. I didn’t open it and I’m rather offended you thought I would.”
“You’ll get over it.”
“Don’t you ever get tired of being so hard?”
“Not really.” I smirked as I slid the letter into my pocket. “It suits me.”
“You’re not going to open it?” Her gaze could have burned a whole in my pocket if she stared any longer. “Aren’t you curious? Don’t you want to know what my sister said to you?”
“I’ll read it later.”
I was certain it wasn’t anything important or Lanie would have given it to me herself. She had a practice of venting in writing. She’d draft these elaborate emails to companies when she thought an employee had been rude to her only to delete them when she was finished. She would say she didn’t want to get anyone in trouble. She often told me after we’d had an argument, she’d write me a letter letting me know exactly what she thought of me and then rip it up. That practice made her feel better. It was therapy for her. I could relate to that.
“Later?” She threw her hands in the air. “I give you a message from the dead and you don’t want to read it? What’s the matter with you?”
“I didn’t say I wouldn’t read it but I prefer to do it on my own terms.” I sighed when I saw the disappointment in her expression. “I appreciate you delivering it to me. I’m sure it’s something she wrote after we broke up. You know she liked to express herself through writing.”
“You should have seen the poems and journals I found.” She gazed out the window. “I had no idea she was so prolific.”
“She was very special.”
“I really miss her.” She sucked in a breath and straightened her posture. “Anyway, I hope that letter brings back good memories. She adored you.”
“As I did her.”
For several years, I envisioned a future with Lanie. I thought we’d get married and have children. I took too long getting there. When we ended things, I had hoped she would find a man who could give her everything she wanted. I never thought that man would end up being the reason she died.
“Thanks for seeing me.” She headed to the door. “I know you’re busy.”
“I can always make time for you and your mom.” I hadn’t had a relationship with Lanie or her family once we broke up but I’d reconnected with them at the funeral. Something Lanie would have wanted from me.
“My mother would like to have lunch with you.”
“That would be lovely.” I opened the door for her. “Let me know when and I’ll arrange it.”
“X,” she said. “Don’t take too long to read that letter. I wish she’d left one for me.”
I nodded as she exited my office. Before the door could fully close, I caught her warning my assistant in true Kate fashion. She was never one to let an opportunity go, especially when she thought she was right.
“Sweetie, you should find a new job.” Kate’s tone was a mix between sarcasm and truth. “While your boss is one of the sexiest men in town, he’s a ruthless bastard on the inside. You’ll never please him.”
At least she’s accurate.
***
Later that night, I took my drink out onto the balcony that overlooked the Manhattan skyline of my newly acquired apartment. It was more than an apartment, if I was being honest. I’d purchased the historical building just across the river and renovated it into my very own oasis. I still had the advantage of living near the city and being close to my business but when I came home, I was far enough away from all the noise and congestion of my daily life.
Sitting in front of the fire pit that warmed the outside on this brisk October evening, I stared at the letter Kate had given me. I’d managed to put it out of my head all day. It wasn’t difficult to do. Although Lanie’s death was tragic and unexpected, we hadn’t left any loose ends between us. We’d gone our separate ways and our split was amicable once she realized I could never give her what she wanted. My complete attention. I’d hurt her but once we agreed living apart was better than being together and creating resentment between us, we knew it was the right decision.
Whatever was inside that letter, wouldn’t change what we were to one another. She would always be my first real love. The only woman I’d ever had a serious relationship with. After we separated, I realized my first priority was my company. Everything and everyone else took a backseat. Another issue Dr. Alvarez was trying to help me break through.
I took the letter from the envelope and unfolded it. While taking a sip of my whisky, I thought maybe the next hour with my therapist could be spent talking about this letter. I’d probably get more out of that conversation than any of my current sessions.
X,
You’ll probably never read this but I need to clear my conscious.
That didn’t sound promising. I took another sip from my glass as I continued reading.
I hate the way we left things even if I agreed to your terms and walked away. You thought it was for the best because you said I couldn’t handle your career. As usual, you were right. I didn’t want to be second in your life while you became a billionaire. I admire and respect your determination. I watched you grow your company and become the success that you are. When I realized that determination was never going to end and you would always be chasing the next success, I knew it would never work for us.
I needed to be the center of your world. I don’t blame you. I’m proud of your accomplishments. I wish I could have found a way to tell you that when we were together instead of acting out and making things difficult for you those last few months.
Anyway, that’s all in the past. Here comes the confession part. The only reason I can write these words is because I know you’ll never read them. Shortly after we ended things, I discovered I was pregnant. Me, pregnant? I couldn’t be responsible for a goldfish, right? We were over. We were better off that way. I couldn’t tell you about the baby. It’s almost two years later and I still can’t. I don’t think I ever will.
I didn’t keep her. I couldn’t. I gave her to good people. Parents who can raise her together and give her the life we couldn’t. Not that I don’t think you’ll make a fantastic father one day but you weren’t ready. Neither was I. Our little one deserved better.
My only regret is that you’ll never know a part of us lives on in this world. I’m sorry, X. That’s all I really wanted to say. It’s better this way.
You’ll always have my heart,
Lanie
No! I slammed my drink down as I reread the letter. Was this a joke? It had been almost five years since we split. Why hadn’t she ripped this letter up? The same way she had done before?Five years! I could have a child out there? One I would never had known about if not for this absurd confession. Of all the irresponsible things… I’d say this was a major loose end.
I grabbed my phone from the table and began scrolling through my contacts. I paused when I came to Dr. John Alvarez. My therapist should have been my first call but my instincts told me to keep scrolling until I found my P.I. If there was any truth to that letter, he would find it. That would be far more valuable to me than analyzing my feelings.
