Saturday, February 9, 2013

Fondled and Goobled... Someone Had To Do It...

The perfect man—with the imperfect cock and oral skills. The Dom who isn’t a dom, and the man who proves it to him. The alien with dessert-flavored semen and three cocks. The older man (a kajillionaire with a penthouse in Seattle…) who has limitless ability to come all night with his naïve little virgin. A woman on a diet who craves a feast of meat and finds herself five Broadshaft Brothers who can deliver.
If you’re looking for the perfect romance with the perfect hero and heroine, this isn’t it! This is a series of spoofs, parodies, just-for-fun lighthearted take-offs. It’s for all us longtime, hard-core romance readers who can laugh at the clichés, purple prose and “suspend your disbelief” plot devices that haunt our beloved favorite genre.

Short excerpt from Surprise Submissive by Anya Richards:

Lucius felt as though his life had suddenly become a Monty Python skit, but no one had bothered to let him know the show was starting. Could he really have been so wrong about Jace? Were his instincts that fucked up?
No, no, no! From the moment he’d drawn up in front of the gay club in his cruiser and seen Jace prancing around, caught up in a bitch-slap-fest with another twink, he’d known, known, he had to have him. And there really wasn’t any way to misinterpret the looks the other man had given him, or the telephone number on the slip of paper Jace had stuffed into Lucius’ pocket while cursing him out.
“Listen.” Jace relaxed, shoulders dropping, voice world-weary and more than just slightly bored. “Did you or did you not call me while I was out having a nice time with friends, doing Karaoke to Lady Gaga songs and sipping crème de menthe, to ask if I wanted to hook up?”
That was straightforward enough. Lucius nodded. “Yeah, I did.”
“And did you or did you not insist on coming here to my place, expecting to be fondled and gobbled without even benefit of taking me out to dinner or buying me a drink?”
Shit, when he put it that way, it just made Lucius want to argue, but he really couldn’t. He lifted his chin and glared at Jace. “Yeah, I did.”
“Right then.” Jace shrugged. “My house, my rules. I get to wield the whip and whatever else I want. So strip down, my little sugar plum, and let’s get this party started.”

Short excerpt from Slave to the Sausage by Piper Trace:

“All right boys,” she announced. “I don’t eat sausage without condiments and I don’t fuck sausage without condoms. Don’t move.” Emily pointed at the boys in turn, locking eyes with each of them and brandishing her worst “I’m-serious-don’t-fuck-with-me” look. As she bolted for her closet, she hoped her look hadn’t been too convincing.
She really, really wanted the boys to fuck with her.
When she returned with a cereal-box-sized package of condoms, five sets of black eyebrows rose in unison. Aiden cleared his throat. “That’s a lot of condoms,” he offered, nodding toward the box Emily was tearing open with her teeth.
She pulled out a roll of connected foil packs that unwound in a line stretching to the floor. The condoms continued to unfurl, stopping only when they hit the toe of one of the twin’s worn boots. All eyes followed the seemingly never-ending parade of rubber after rubber. One of the boys let out a long whistle.
“What?” Emily scoffed. “I had a coupon! Plus I always shop in bulk. You should see how much toilet paper I have.” The boys looked impressed. “Wait!” Her voice rose in panic as she eyed the plethora of prophylactics. “Do you think we’ll have enough?”
The boys exchanged glances laced with wicked, unspoken things before Aiden, the oldest brother and clearly the alpha of the group, spoke up. “Don’t you worry, honey. We’ll make do.”
And they closed in on her… Five muscled studs, large and tanned and in possession of delicious sausage secrets shared only amongst themselves. Emily instantly dropped the package, the condoms, her diet plan and her good intentions and squealed as five sets of strong hands carried her like their new toy to the kitchen table she’d set for one.

Those are only a taste of what's to be found in this anthology. Come check out the book and the rest of the authors: